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Post by Danny on Jul 11, 2009 21:55:53 GMT 1
Danny wasn't sure that Tristain understood the situation after all. He wasn't sure what he was expecting. Acceptance would come, but he would have to work for it, not the other way around.
"What is it you were expecting to hear?" he asked finally.
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Tristain
Cub
"Monsters are as Monsters do. Am I a Monster?"
Posts: 170
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Post by Tristain on Jul 11, 2009 22:01:10 GMT 1
Tristain has turned his back on Danny now. He remains silent for a while. I thought you might be able to understand me. I thought you might try, he thinks, but says simply, quietly "I don't know."
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Post by Danny on Jul 12, 2009 19:15:26 GMT 1
Danny sat down on the forest floor and leaned against the tree. As much as he wanted to fight for Tristain, the boy really wasn't giving him a reason to. Maybe he was trying too hard.
"What do you think is going to happen?" he asked.
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Tristain
Cub
"Monsters are as Monsters do. Am I a Monster?"
Posts: 170
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Post by Tristain on Jul 12, 2009 19:21:56 GMT 1
"I don't know." Tristain is aware he's repeating himself, but he really doesn't have anything else to say. Tow days ago he didn't even know Garou existed who weren't pledged to the Wyrm, so he had no idea what to expect from them. Anna seemed surprisingly forgiving, but then he'd just saved her life, and Yvonne didn't seem to want to go against Anna's wishes. But what any others would be like, what they were going to want him to do was simply beyond his expectations.
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Post by Danny on Jul 12, 2009 20:09:27 GMT 1
"Well then, I will tell you what to expect," Danny said. "Do you know how many Garou will give a repentant Spiral a second chance? Very few, and even less so if they're Fenrir. They are not a tribe known for being merciful, and we have all lost too much to the Wyrm. You rescued one of their tribe. In return, she offered to cleanse you, and let you face judgment, rather than let your soul be tormented. You came with me for that purpose. Does that mean you are ready to face this judgment, no matter what it is?"
Now he too was repeating himself, but he hadn't gotten a proper answer out of Tristain yet. And he really needed to know that he was worth fighting for.
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Tristain
Cub
"Monsters are as Monsters do. Am I a Monster?"
Posts: 170
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Post by Tristain on Jul 12, 2009 20:24:36 GMT 1
And face judgement. Had that been part of the original deal? The closest he can recall Anna mentioning was 'if it burns we kill you', but then that was going to be a prelude to meeting Danny. He half turns back to face Danny, ending up gazing at the woodline. Is this crunch-time, then? The point where he signs away his soul to another group of psycho nut-jobs? What would they do to him, or more importantly, demand he do to pass this judgement?
A long moment passes as this floats through Tristain's head. Finally he speaks. "No." he doesn't move. "I can think of a whole heap of things I'd not be ready to do. Old mistakes I don't want to repeat." Then he finally looks at Danny. "I'm not going to run. I will be here when they come, and frankly I don't think there's much they could do to me that's beyond what I... what I've earned. But I can't promise to do whatever I'm told to pass this judgement. I'm not going to let go of who I should be again."
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Post by Danny on Jul 12, 2009 20:36:35 GMT 1
Danny raised his eyebrows at the answer. "I don't recall asking you to do anything," he said. "Why did you come with me if it wasn't for redemption? There can be no redemption without judgment."
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Tristain
Cub
"Monsters are as Monsters do. Am I a Monster?"
Posts: 170
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Post by Tristain on Jul 12, 2009 20:46:08 GMT 1
It seems to Tristain that Danny has once again not grasped what he's said, and he looks away again, running over reply after reply in his mind. None of the explanations he tries in his head seem to fit. They all either just repeat what he's said three or four times already or sound like he's trying to put conditions on how he's prepared to seek redemption, while he wants to say that he's not prepared to go after someone else's ideas of what redemption is. Eventually he gives up trying to explain.
"I do want redemption." Several beats pass before he continues. "And I will accept punishment." But I won't allow myself to be lead down murderous paths again while my guide spouts on about redemption.
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Post by Danny on Jul 12, 2009 21:19:32 GMT 1
"Why do you expect me to use you as a tool for my own ends?" Danny asked. "Why do you keep assuming we will do things only because they did them? You are the only one who can allow yourself to be used for evil. Do you think I will be the one deciding your future? Do you think my Septmates will? Everything is in your hands, everything has always been in your hands. It is your own weakness that led you astray before. If others lead you to go against your conscience, you always have the choice to refuse. No matter what the consequences. Against certain death, against torture." For some reason, he gestured to his eye when he said that last bit. "You do not need to trust anyone but yourself. If you are too weak to even do that, if you cannot stand up and defy that which goes against your own conscience, then you are not even worthy to call yourself Garou."
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Tristain
Cub
"Monsters are as Monsters do. Am I a Monster?"
Posts: 170
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Post by Tristain on Jul 12, 2009 21:26:02 GMT 1
"Because I've seen what people who call themselves 'holy' can do in the name of their god." Tristain's reply is swift and obviously backed by a lot of hurt. He doesn't even realise that Danny is responding to something he'd not actually said. Danny had hit a nerve and hit it hard. Tristain doesn't even try and stop himself from speaking his mind. "And I'm not about to let myself be used by anyone. Not by them, and not by you." He looks to Danny. "If your lot want to kill me for what I've done, then they can. But I won't be a damned murderer again in the name of anyone's redemption!"
He looks away again before Danny can react, and sinks to his knees. Too many crimes. Too many nightmares. He's not just been running from the Spirals, he realises, but from his own damned guilt. He'd survived by not giving in to the despair of accepting what he'd done with his own hands. Anna should have killed him. At least Dusty had the excuse of not meaning to harm anyone. What did he have left to hold on to?
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Post by Danny on Jul 12, 2009 21:58:53 GMT 1
"Don't put words in my mouth, cub," Danny said shortly. "When did we call ourselves holy. We are all Garou, we are human and wolf, we make mistakes. I've told you before, and you would do well to listen. This is not a religion. The Wyrm is real. The Earth is real. It is suffering. Its people are suffering. You can't tell me you don't see that. You can't tell me you don't want to do something about it if you can."
Danny's patience was starting to wear thin. That much was obvious.
"Nobody can make a murderer out of you but you. I can put a sword in your hand, but I can't make you kill."
He paused. Maybe he wasn't being thick. Maybe he really didn't want to live with himself. "If death is all you seek, then at least we can set your soul to rest," he said. For once there was some amount of pity in his voice, but it was only a very small amount. Death was the coward's way out, after all. "You are not the coward you think you are, Tristain. Why do you think I am trying so hard to save you?"
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Tristain
Cub
"Monsters are as Monsters do. Am I a Monster?"
Posts: 170
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Post by Tristain on Jul 12, 2009 22:12:53 GMT 1
Tristain makes a sound through his tears. It could have been a laugh, but there's no humour in him right now. "Then why haven't I done a ..." He trails off. After a moment he takes a deep breath and tries again. "Even what I did earlier, with Anna, I did because I was too scared not to. I don't know why you want to help me. I don't even know why she didn't kill me when she found out." Tristain had long thought he'd escaped just before reaching the point of no return, but now he wonders if he'd really fallen over the edge long ago. Dying wouldn't solve anything, but then, would living? "What... can I do?"
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Post by Danny on Jul 12, 2009 23:07:19 GMT 1
"I would think she felt she was in your debt, and felt the need to repay it. After all, you rescued her from her worst nightmare. Don't you think that is worth sparing your life for?"
"You weren't afraid not to. You were afraid you couldn't live with yourself if you didn't." Whether or not that was entirely true, Danny seemed sure of it. "Those are not the actions of a coward. To go up against a much stronger enemy to save someone you have never even met, that is one of the most honourable things one can do."
He thought of the question. His tone had softened considerably now. "I can't tell you really. But I think it is important that you accept that you cannot you change the past, but you have taken the right step to start making amends. And that it is not up to us to tell you how to make these amends."
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Tristain
Cub
"Monsters are as Monsters do. Am I a Monster?"
Posts: 170
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Post by Tristain on Jul 13, 2009 6:56:59 GMT 1
Tristain looks up, finally, and turns to Danny. Then looks away again as he realises he's beginning to trust the older Garou, to trust kind words again. But parts of what Danny says are undeniably right. There is only one person he can really trust now, and that means there's only one person who can say how he might find redemption.
He picks himself up and walks over to sit under a tree, withdrawing the knife again as he walks. Then he just sits, gazing off, the familiarity of the movement as his knife spins providing him some small degree of comfort.
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Post by Shehrazad on Jul 14, 2009 11:16:43 GMT 1
The sounds of footsteps approach, and Danny can tell from the number of them that it's not just Yvonne and Anna. Surely enough, all of Slagbröder plus Yvonne and a nosy Ratkin come into view a short while later. Although Anna and Yvonne might have passed for average if it weren't for the rage, the rest of the group is an entirely different matter. Although none of them was quite as big as Unyielding Might, the largest of them looked like he could come close. They were all scarred, especially the one with one eye who appeared to be leading the way.
As they reached the forest clearing, they saw Danny sitting under a tree, and a strange boy in his late teens sitting a few metres away, playing with a knife.
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